Dilemma of the Sex Scene

A writer I know—an actual, published one!—once said he’d never write a sex scene.  I can respect that.  Plenty of classics have, at best, innuendo.  Still, other texts, going back to the Bible and beyond have sex scenes.

I read about writing.  Experts say that readers want stories that will help them cope with issues they face.  We all face sexual issues, whether we face them as asexuals, curious sexuals, or hyper-sexuals.  Many modern novels have sex scenes to make them more realistic.  Or lucrative.

Although much of my writing is a kind of horror, the stories often involve sexual insecurities.  There are few other areas in life where we make ourselves so vulnerable.  A lot of people, I think, get hurt.

There’s part of the dilemma of the sex scene right there.  It reveals an awful lot about the writer.  I grew up as an asexual.  I didn’t date until my junior year of college, if you can even call what I did then dating.  I wasn’t gay.  I just wasn’t interested.  Once I became interested, I never stopped.

For me that was several years ago now.  Still, surveys show that people think about sex quite a bit.  Many times a day.  Obviously, it is a matter of concern.

Many publishers, particularly of the literary stripe, won’t consider erotic materials suitable.  Vulgar, low, puerile.  There are loftier topics.  But are there?  Are we so refined that we can’t mention what motivates us, really?

I tried to publish a story with a sexually explicit scene once.  The journal to which I submitted it (now defunct) complimented the work, although, they averred, it was not for them.  I once submitted to an erotic horror competition.  I didn’t even get honorable mention.

Sex has to be treated with respect, I think.  It can’t be completely left out, however, of any story that tries to treat the deeper complexities of who we are.  I, for one, am afraid to show that work to many people.  There’s only so much we can want strangers to know.