Conflicting Demands

I have a problem with writing. Actually, I have a problem with sleeping that leads to a problem with writing.

I’m a morning person. My circadian rhythms are chirping away at about 3 a.m. I’m usually up and writing by 3:30 because I commute and I don’t live too close to the city. This has become my habit. I’m sleepy most of the time so I try to “sleep in” on weekends. I’m up before 5 anyway.

The problem is when I sleep in my mind is less sharp. I get out of bed less tired, but less inspired. I spend so much of the rest of the week weary that I look forward to that couple extra hours of slumber only to discover that the days I don’t have to commute I can’t write well. What to do?

I know that writers, historically, have kept idiosyncratic hours. Staying up nights drinking, and such. In today’s culture of running in place just to pay the rent, that’s not really an option. Other people at work wonder why I don’t stay late. Getting your work done is never enough.

My boss, I suspect, thinks my work is my life. It’s only my work life. All writers have to find a way to keep alive. Increasingly, though, the job demands more because the industry’s under stress and somehow it’s my damn fault.

I work long hours, in addition to the commute. I once added them up and was surprised by my sum. No wonder I’m tired all the time. Add in the hours on the bus and I have only time for sleep left. To sleep, perchance to dream.

Should I sleep in at all? Maybe when the weekend rolls around I should get out of bed at 3:30. Isn’t that what Edna St. Vincent Millay called burning the candle at both ends? I’m not complaining, I’m just tired. I guess I’m a writer.

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K. Marvin Bruce

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